


I Know The End

by byekeiji



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bokuaka - Freeform, Clubbing, Drunk Akaashi Keiji, Drunken Confessions, Fluff and Crack, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Hickeys, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, POV Akaashi Keiji, Time Skips, Udai is a decent friend, akaashi keiji is bold when drunk, ass grabbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:53:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28411956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byekeiji/pseuds/byekeiji
Summary: Akaashi has always had a hard time opening up to others, even Bokuto. So it's no surprise that he was able to keep his feelings for Bokuto shoved deep down inside of him for so long. But he might not be able to hold out any longer when Bokuto surprises him with a weekend visit to Tokyo, looking like the absolute greek god that he is.orAkaashi sees Bokuto in person for the first time since he graduated college and he might just lose it.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 5
Kudos: 120
Collections: BokuAka Week





	I Know The End

**Author's Note:**

> hi :) this fic is loosely based off of Phoebe Bridger's "I Know the End" (hence the title), not so much the lyrics but the progression of the song. If you've listened to it, you know what I mean. And if you havent, go listen Phoebe Bridgers is amazing.  
> Anyways, I have bokuaka brain rot basically all the time and so this fic was born. I hope you enjoy :)

“So, you have any plans this weekend ‘Kaashi? Doing anything fun?” Bokuto’s eyebrows wiggle as he says so, a grin slowly taking over his whole face.

This was the reason Akaashi liked video calls so much more than texts and phone calls. He could see Bokuto’s face, feel the warmth of his smile through the screen and just bask in his presence, even if he was hours away.

“Nothing specific. Might read a little or catch up on some shows. What about you? Busy training?”

“Nope! The team got the weekend off! Shoyo-kun didn’t think Coach was going to ever let us stop practicing but he said that we’ve been working really hard lately and that we deserve a break and everyone was so excited to finally have some time off! Shoyo said he was going to visit Tobio-kun and I think Sakusa-san and Tsum Tsum were going back to Hyogo and-“

“Take a breathe Bokuto,” Akaashi giggled. “Your face is turning red.”

Bokuto smiled and paused for a second to collect himself before continuing. “Do you know what I decided to do with my time off?”

Akaashi stopped to think for a second before he realized that Bokuto was outside. He leaned in closer to the screen to inspect his background further when he saw something that made him freeze. _Was that-_

“I came to Tokyo!! I wanted to surprise you since I haven’t seen you in a while! Is that okay?”

Akaashi was stunned. Bokuto came all this way to see him? His chest hurt in the best way possible, his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest. “Of course it’s okay. It’s more than okay…Where are you? I can come get you.”

“Ha ha no need for that ‘Kaashi!! I’m already here!!!”

Akaashi’s eyes widen with disbelief at the realization that Bokuto was here, right behind his door instead of 500 kilometers away. His body moves before his brain can process everything fully and he finds himself almost tripping over his own feet to get to the door. He rushes down the hallway and finds himself struggling to undo the lock fast enough. The moment the lock is undone Akaashi is tearing the door open to be met with those golden eyes he had missed so much. He’s frozen, eyes scanning the man in front of him to be sure that this is really happening, that Bokuto is here and real. He hasn’t seen him in person in so long and he can’t believe he forgot how warm his smile really is and how tall he was and how thick his thighs were…

“Hey hey hey!! Akaaaashi!” Bokuto scoops him up into the biggest hug and there’s another thing Akaashi somehow forgot: Bokuto is the best at giving hugs, surrounding you with his presence and toned biceps, holding you close to his chest….

Akaashi has to shake himself out of it, getting too lost in the enigma that is Bokuto Koutaro. He has always had this effect on him and he probably always will. Akaashi barely survived high school without confessing and he knows that this weekend will be so much harder because Bokuto…he’s perfect. He’s taller, more confident and sure of himself, even warmer and more beautiful than Akaashi remembers.

“Ready for a weekend full of fun? I’m so excited to finally get to see you!! I missed you so much Keiji.”

_Keiji._ Oh my god. If Bokuto weren’t still holding him in a tight hug he might have melted into the floor. This was going to be so much harder than he thought.

_Bokuto is your friend. Your best friend. He probably doesn’t feel the same way as you. He’s straight for all you know. Confessing to him will ruin everything. You don’t want to lose him, so don’t say anything._ He repeats this mantra over and over in his head as the pair untangle and move further into Akaashi’s apartment.

Bokuto is practically bouncing as he looks around, obviously wanting to see everything but wanting to be polite and follow Akaashi’s lead. Akaashi notices immediately though and gives him a tour, pointing out the onigiri shop you can see from his living room window and where the nearest gym is and the owl pillow that Bokuto sent him on his couch. He finds himself talking more about his life, his job, his work friends and he realizes that he hasn’t talked this much in a while. He hasn’t really let anyone in since Bokuto. Sure he had friends. Some of them he was even close with, though he would never let Udai know this. But he had never let anyone in like he had Bokuto. Bokuto was probably the only person in the world who knew about the inner workings of Akaashi Keiji, the good parts and all of the dark and twisty parts. He was the only person he truly trusted, and it felt so relieving to have him back in his presence. Bokuto calmed him down and brought him out of his shell; he felt like he could be himself around him. And he didn’t realize how heavy the weight of putting on a mask every day was until Bokuto came around and helped him take it off.

After they catch up for a while, Bokuto goes to take a shower to prepare for their “amazingly awesome night out” as he put it. Akaashi had no idea what to expect. He hadn’t done anything crazy while living in Tokyo, opting to stay in or have more intimate nights with friends. He had never been to a club or tried any of the trendy food places. Akaashi was a creature of comfort, sticking to the places he knew best without all of the crowds. But he would do anything Bokuto wanted to because he cared more about making Bokuto smile than his own comfort. Bokuto practically glowed when he was happy, and simply being there to witness it is the only thing Akaashi ever wanted in life. Wow, he’s in deep.

He hears the bathroom door open to see a scene straight out of a movie. Bokuto seems to walk out of the bathroom in slow motion, steam billowing out behind him, and moisture still clinging to his bare upper half. His towel was tied low on his waist, leaving little to the imagination. His hair was plastered to his head and he runs his hands through them to shake out some of the water. Akaashi’s mind seems to stall, leaving him stuck staring at the muscles of his chest and abs.

Bokuto doesn’t seem to notice though. “Wow, ‘Kaashi you’ve got a nice shower! You gettin’ ready to go?”

He’s screwed. Oh he’s so so screwed. Akaashi desperately tries to say something but the words stick in his throat. He simply nods and Bokutosmiles and turns towards the bedroom to get dressed, humming a familiar tune. The moment he is out of sight, Akaashi starts pacing his living room, trying to get his breath under control and calm his heart that he’s certain has beat its way out of his chest and across Japan by now.

_What is wrong with you?! Get yourself together Keiji. You’ve seen him like this hundreds of times throughout high school. Nothing has changed._ This thought makes him pause for a second though. _Have they changed? This isn’t high school anymore. There’s no one to make fun of him or beat him up over this. No parents to tell them it’s wrong or unnatural. They’re adults, completely capable of making adult decisions and doing adult things. Why not indulge and see if he feels the same way?_

It’s at this moment that Bokuto comes back out from the bedroom, dressed in ripped jeans, a plain t-shirt, and a bomber jacket and his hair…down. He didn’t spike his hair up. He looks so put together, so attractive, so…Bokuto, that Akaashi almost jumps him right there. But then he remembers the main reason why he never did so in high school: he can’t lose Bokuto. He knows this, he’s told himself this thousands of times, but now that they live hundreds of kilometers apart he knows that losing him is so much easier. He has to really make an effort to talk to him as much as he does, and even then it’s not as much as he’d like. One wrong move now, and he might never see Bokuto again.

This is the thought he repeats to himself as he gets ready, mentally preparing himself for a whole night of Bokuto. The platonic touches and soft smiles might kill him on the inside, but he would put up the best poker face the world has ever seen. He takes Bokuto’s lead and puts on a pair of jeans and plain t-shirt (he would rather wear one of his cooler ones but he knows Bokuto will tease him for it and that might set him over the edge). He grabs a jacket and puts his glasses back on, giving himself a once over before joining Bokuto in the living room. They head out of the apartment and towards a bar of Bokuto’s choice. At least Akaashi thought it was a bar until the turned the corner of a street to see a line out the door and can faintly hear what must be pounding dance music. Akaashi looks over at Bokuto questioningly. He responds without even turning his head, “You’re too tense all the time so I thought you would like the chance to loosen up and let go. We don’t have to go though, I’m happy doing whatever as long as it’s with you.” He then turns to look at Akaashi, trying to read what is going on beyond the surface. He responds quickly to dispel any doubt. “No, I want to. It’ll be fun. Especially with you here Bokuto-san.”

The thing is, Bokuto was right. He never lets himself go and just live. He always has something important that he’s working on or is too tired to spend a late night with a bunch of strangers. At least that is what he told anyone when they asked. In reality, the whole idea made him anxious and he didn’t want to go and do something that might ruin his life. Ok, the chances of him ruining his life were slim, but still. It would _feel_ like he was ruining his life. But with Bokuto, he doesn’t feel the normal flutter of anxiety in his chest at the thought of entering the club. He actually feels excited. He actually thinks that he might have a lot of fun if he lets himself try.

He looks Bokuto in the eyes and smiles. Bokuto grabs his arm and bounces his way towards the club, Akaashi happy to be along for the ride.

—————————————————————

The first thing that Akaashi feels is a pounding in his head. It makes his whole body feel heavy and he doesn’t want to move an inch for the rest of his life. The second thing he feels is a solid warmth underneath his head. He slowly opens his eyes, squinting hard against the light coming in through the window that makes his head throb even more. Once he is able to finally open his eyes all the way, he is able to register a few things:

  1. He is laying on Bokuto’s chest, the boy thankfully dead asleep.
  2. Both of them seem to be naked.
  3. He can’t remember anything after entering the club.



_Shit. Shit why can’t he remember?_

He slowly gets up, carefully not to disturb the sleeping man next to him. He pulls on his boxers and goes to the bathroom to splash water on his face and try to piece together the events of last night. He knows they went to a club. He remembers going in and the two of them taking shots, too many now that he thinks about it. _No wonder you don’t remember idiot. You haven’t drank that much in months and probably have the lowest tolerance known to man. Ok, what happened after that? What did he do? What did he…OH SHIT._

His eyes go wide as everything comes rushing back to him at that moment, highlighting most likely the worst decision of his life. He knew that letting loose would ruin him. He just didn’t think that this would be the end of him.

_At least you went out in flames. You did the one thing you’ve wanted to do for years. And goddamn was it amazing._

He shakes his head, knowing that he can’t think about what he did anymore or he’ll lose it. Because thinking about the positives will only lead to him thinking about the consequences. How he’ll lose his best friend and favorite person forever. He can’t face him just yet. He can’t lose him yet. He needs to get out of here before he wakes up.

He goes back into the bedroom and grabs the first pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt he can find and hastily pulls them on. He quietly rushes through the apartment to grab his phone and keys, desperate to escape without waking him. He takes one last look at the man sleeping peacefully in his bed ( _in his bed?!?)_ and heads to the front door. He pulls on his shoes and exits the apartment, feeling like he is about to suffocate. He knows a panic attack is imminent and goes to the only place he knows he can ride it out in peace. Maybe he can hide out there long enough for him to be able to breathe again and actually have something to say to Bokuto. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

————————————————————————

The two head for the door, not the line, which surprises Akaashi. The bouncer lets them right in with a nod though, and honestly, he can’t be surprised that Bokuto is friends with the bouncer when he seems to make friends wherever they go.

They step through the door to be greeted by a wave of sound, the music from the dj pounding throughout the club. Bokuto turns his head to smile at him and the action has warmth pooling in his chest. The colored lights flash across his face, highlighting his cheekbones and reflecting in his eyes making them sparkle. Not that lights were necessary; Akaashi always seemed to find (and relish) the shine of his eyes when Bokuto was happy.

Bokuto grabbed his hand and pulled him through the crowd to the bar, ordering shots before Akaashi could fully catch up. The bartender placed the glasses in front of them before walking away to help someone else, leaving the two of them with a choice.

Akaashi looked down hesitantly at the shot glass. He knows he tends to lose his filter when he drinks, saying whatever thoughts crossed his mind without worrying about repercussions. It always felt amazing in the moment but he always was filled with regret the next morning when he realizes what he said.

Bokuto senses his hesitation and places his hand on Akaashi’s arm.

“Hey. You don’t have to drink it if you don’t want. I can grab the bartender and ask him to make us something else. I just…I just know how in your head you get and this isn’t what you typically do on your weekends. And I know how vodka calms your brain down. Plus, I get to see a different Akaashi when you drink vodka and that always makes my night.”

Bokuto let out a laugh, and hearing the warm sound mixed with words he wished meant more, settles the debate in his head. He wordlessly takes the glass and downs the shot in one swift movement. He turns to face Bokuto, seeing the surprise on his face morph into a knowing smile before he grabbed his glass and downed it himself.

“Let’s have some fun, shall we Bokuto-san?”

From there the night progresses quickly, yet Akaashi feels like he's living in slow motion. Him and Bokuto have taken so many shots even the bartender has lost count and in their now drunken state, Akaashi drags Bokuto onto the dance floor.

The two jump and sing their heads off, not caring who is watching. Akaashi feels free for the first time in a long time and he doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol or the star singing along to Lady Gaga next to him. He can’t help but grin when he looks over at Bokuto, his carefree expression and swaying body lighting a fire in his stomach.

Bokuto turns and they make eye contact, Bokuto leaning and singing to him. As the music changes to something slower, Akaashi is hit with the desire to do something impulsive, something he knows that he will probably regret tomorrow. But the vodka flowing through him has convinced him that tomorrow doesn’t matter. All that matters is grabbing Bokuto’s ass.

So, his filter long gone by now, he slides closer to Bokuto, the man not even registering what’s happening until Akaashi’s arms are wrapped around his waist and his hands settled below his belt. Bokuto’s eyes widen and try to catch Akaashi’s gaze.

“‘Kaashi? Hey ‘Kaashi? Whatcha doing there?”

Akaashi is too mesmerized to answer, his heart (and dick) finally getting just a sliver of what he has wanted for so long. He moves his hands lower to fully grasp and squeeze Bokuto’s behind. He lets out a small sigh of contentment, lost in his own thoughts until Bokuto’s hands are on his shoulders pushing him back.

“Hey ‘Kaashi you’re really drunk right now maybe we should head home.”

Akaashi just shakes his head, a small pout fighting its way on to his face as he looks at his now empty hands. “I’m not that drunk. I’ve just wanted this for so long. I’ve wanted you for so long. And yeah I’m drunk and that’s why I’m doing this right now. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t wanted to do this every waking moment since I met you."

Bokuto tilts his head, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “Grab my ass?”

“No, god ugh that’s not what I meant. I mean yes but also-“ He brushes the hair back off of his forehead and takes a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts over the pounding of the music and the pounding of his heart. “I have wanted to do _this_ and everything in between since the first time I saw you.”

With that he ignores every alarm going off in his head, the pounding of his chest, the small fluttering of nerves gathering in his stomach, and grabs Bokuto’s face with both hands and brings their lips together.

This time he’s certain it’s not just the alcohol. Bokuto’s lips are stiff as his whole face is frozen in shock, but they’re still Bokuto’s lips. His hands are still on Bokuto's face. He starts to fill with dread as Bokuto still hasn’t moved, worried that he might have crossed a line.

But then Bokuto is kissing him back and it is, without a doubt, the best feeling in the world. Akaashi feels as if someone is setting off fireworks in his chest, as if somebody decided to pour sunshine and honey down his throat. He feels lighter than he has his whole life. He’s certain that he would have floated away by now if Bokuto hadn’t wrapped his arms around his waist.

Akaashi moves one hand into his hair to deepen the kiss and he can feel the slight shiver the action illicits from the other man. This encourages him and he decides then and there that he’s going for it tonight. Bokuto seems to be reciprocating and wanting everything he does, so he was done questioning himself. He was going to get what he wanted tonight.

Akaashi presses his tongue to Bokuto’s lips and he opens them readily. Bokuto presses even closer to him, his hands moving up and down Akaashi’s back and chest as if he couldn’t get enough. Their kisses are frantic and desperate, as if both were afraid that if they slowed down they would wake up from a dream. Akaashi grabs a handful of Bokuto’s hair and Bokuto moans into his mouth, rolling his hips forward into Akaashi.

Akaashi pulls away, trying to catch his breath after feeling the hard bulge of Bokuto’s pants rub against his. He knows that this is getting too heated to stay on the dance floor. With his face still inches from Bokuto’s, he opens his mouth to ask him if he wants to go somewhere else but he doesn’t get the chance to say anything. Bokuto catches his eye and he can see the fire that’s burning in them. It’s a look Akaashi has never seen before, but one that doesn’t need any explanation.

Bokuto grabs his hand and pushes his way through the club, pulling Akaashi gently behind him and out on to the street. He doesn’t stop to look behind him as he continues down the street towards Akaashi’s apartment, and Akaashi is now extremely glad that Bokuto picked a club only 10 minutes away from where he lived.

The walk was silent but tense. Bokuto wouldn’t look his way as he walked ahead of him, making Akaashi fear that he was regretting what had happened. They had long since let go of each other’s hands and Akaashi realized how cold and empty it now was compared to earlier. He didn’t realize it was something he could miss so much.

The silence was killing him and he knew they still had a few more minutes till they reached their destination, so Akaashi tried to break the silence.

He reached a hand out and lightly placed it on Bokuto’s shoulder. “Hey, what-“

Bokuto turned his head and locked eyes with Akaashi, giving him a burning stare that effectively shut him up. This was uncharted territory and he wasn’t going to push it further after that glare.

Bokuto seemed to speed up and walk even faster, forcing Akaashi to jog a little to catch up. As much as he tried to keep up with Bokuto’s pace, the man had longer legs than him and was a professional athlete, something that he just couldn’t compete with. After having to jog a third time to catch up, he realized they had made it back to his apartment complex.

They entered the lobby silently and headed towards the elevators. Bokuto pushed the button aggressively and stepped back, tapping his foot as if the elevator was 20 minutes late. Akaashi watched this all apprehensively, not sure where this was going or what Bokuto was going to say.

The elevator finally arrived and they stepped on, standing shoulder to shoulder as the doors closed. Now that they were in an enclosed space, the air felt thicker than it did outside, so thick that Akaashi felt that he could reach out and grab a handful if he wanted. He kept sneaking glances up at Bokuto to see the same expression, eyes alight and jaw set.

The elevator ride was quick ( _thank god)_ as Akaashi lived on the third floor, and the two moved silently down the hallway towards the apartment. He pulled his keys out quickly to unlock the door, desperate to do something. _If Bokuto wasn’t going to say anything, at least he could retreat to his bedroom and replay the night to see where he went wrong. Or maybe cry. Probably cry._

He opened the door and walked through, nerves building in his stomach. He held the door open for Bokuto, watching and waiting to see what he was going to do next. He didn’t have to wait long though.

As soon as Akaashi shut the door, Bokuto was there, pinning him up against it and kissing him hungrily. The nerves in Akaashi’s stomach dissipated almost immediately as he realized that Bokuto was simply waiting for privacy to continue what they had started. He kissed him back with just as much fervor, matching him move for move as they started to stumble through the apartment back towards his room, removing items of clothing as they go.

By the time they reach Akaashi’s bed, jackets, shirts, and belts were long gone, leaving them both half-dressed. Akaashi started to unbutton Bokuto’s jeans as quickly as he could, hungry for more when Bokuto’s hands stop him.

Out of breath and clearly trying to restrain himself, he looked Akaashi up and down. “Hey. ‘Kaashi. Are you sure you want to do this? Maybe we shouldn’t, we’ve both had a lot to drink tonight.”

“No.” The immediate response surprised Bokuto. “Yes we both drank tonight. But I am not too drunk. I know what I’m doing, you wouldn’t be taking advantage of me, nor would I you. I appreciate you asking for consent here but I would like to get to it now.”

And his lips were on Bokuto’s before the man could get out another word. Bokuto let him finish undoing his pants, pulling them off before he did the same to Akaashi’s.

Akaashi could tell that Bokuto had stopped holding back. The fire that he had seen in his eyes earlier was brighter now, burning wildly with his last shred of self-control thrown out the window. Bokuto pulled his pants and boxers down in one motion and pushed him onto the bed. He stops then, looking up and down Akaashi’s body sprawled on the bed greedily.

Akaashi felt the blush creep up his neck and on to his cheeks at the situation. He had done this before with a few random hookups in college, but with Bokuto things felt different. He wasn’t just looking at Akaashi’s body. He was somehow looking right through him to his core, seeing something that even Akaashi couldn’t.

They lock eyes again and something passes between them, something Akaashi doesn’t understand. But he can’t be bothered to decode it when Bokuto pulls his boxers down and climbs on to the bed to hover over him. He can’t be bothered to think about anything other than Bokuto’s lips on his, Bokuto’s hand reaching down his abdomen to grab his dick, the small groans that escape Bokuto’s mouth when he grabs and pulls his hair.

Somehow Bokuto knew exactly how he liked it, stroking his length with just the right pressure and speed to make Akaashi’s head spin. He left hot kisses in a trail down his neck, some of them bound to leave a mark. This thought filled him pleasure, knowing that his skin will have these marks for days, a way to hold on to this moment past tonight.

Another groan escaped past his lips, along with, “Koutarou”

Bokuto stopped and lifted his head from his neck to look him in the eyes. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for you to call me that.”

A slight blush started to creep onto his cheeks but before it could really develop, Bokuto was moving again, kissing him with ferocity before leaving a hot trail down to his chest. He stayed there, kissing and lightly biting his nipples while stroking him to completion, Akaashi losing his mind with every touch, every movement, every sound. If this was the end of him, he couldn’t complain. This is how he would choose to go every single time.

Bokuto didn’t stop until Akaashi was flinching away from his touch, sensitive and exhausted. Bokuto placed his hands on either side of Akaashi and watched him try to put himself back together. When Akaashi opened his eyes, he saw a soft, sly smile and was drawn into the gold pools staring back at him.

“Enjoyed that, huh?”

Akaashi took this opportunity to flip them over, kissing Bokuto deeply before moving to his jaw. The man’s breath got heavier with every kiss, hitching when Akaashi sucked hard enough to leave a mark. Normally, he was careful about where he left hickeys, always considerate of their placement and the number of them so that whoever it was could cover them easily. But not tonight. He wanted to mark him everywhere so that the rest of the world would know that Bokuto was his, at least for a night.

He moved his way down Bokuto’s abdomen, moving slowly so that he could savor every second of his athlete’s body. These were muscles he had dreamed of touching for too long and he wasn’t about to let the opportunity go to waste, especially when he didn’t know if he would ever get the chance to do this again.

Bokuto seemed to enjoy this too, his breathing picking up and small groans escaping his lips. Every sound that he made sent a thrill down Akaashi’s spine and made him want to savor every inch of skin even longer. But Bokuto was getting impatient, Akaashi could tell, and so he did what he set out to do.

He lowered his head between Bokuto’s thighs, leaving a few hot kisses on his inner thighs. Bokuto let out a small whimper ( _a whimper?!?_ ) and before he could say anything Akaashi was kissing the head of his cock.

Bokuto let out a hiss that quickly turned into a loud groan as Akaashi took him into his mouth.

Akashi got to work, bobbing his head up and down, changing his pace so that the man would constantly be on his toes. He swirled his tongue around the head and took him out of his mouth to kiss his way up Bokuto’s cock. He quickly took him back in his mouth, knowing that with the groans coming from Bokuto’s mouth that he didn’t have much longer. Bokuto’s hips kept moving up on their own with the sensations, getting faster as Akaashi hands fell in rhythm with his mouth. Bokuto’s hands were in his hair, gripping hard but never pushing as he came. His groans were loud and uninhibited now, spilling from his chest as Akaashi swallowed and helped him ride out the last moments of pleasure. He heard him mumble something, but it was too quiet for Akaashi to hear. Not that he really cared. He wanted to see the mess that he made. He pulled his body up into a kneeling position between hist thighs to look at Bokuto. And he is instantly glad that he did.

Bokuto’s face was flushed, sweat holding his hair to his forehead. His eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth barely open, his bottom lip red from where he had obviously been biting it. The fact that Akashi was the one to get him flustered like this, to leave him in this state, it was a feeling he would never be able to describe. Maybe pride? Or possibly possessiveness? Whatever is was was laced with a fondness he knew too well, one that he couldn’t handle lest he explode.

_No. No. You are not in lo- nope. Uh uh. You can’t be in love with him when you can’t have him. You can’t do that to yourself. You can’t do that to him_

“Keiji? Is everything okay?”

Bokuto had opened his eyes at was looking at him with concern and hesitation written all over his face.

_KEIJI?!? Oh god oh god oh no_

He put his facade back up and tried to form a coherent sentence. “Yeah, yeah um- ah- I- yes everything is- everything is okay.”

He must have been somewhat convincing or maybe Bokuto was just swimming in post-orgasm exhaustion, because instead of pushing further he pulled Akaashi in close and pulled the blanket over them. As much as this should have made his brain short circuit, he was okay. He was more than okay. He was more relaxed and comfortable in his own bed than he ever had been before. So instead of overthinking or panicking or trying to say something to fill the silence (comfortable he might add) he simply closed his eyes and fell asleep to the sound of Bokuto’s heartbeat.

——————————————————————————

He sat looking down at the city, trying to collect his thoughts and normalize his breathing. Panic attacks weren’t unfamiliar to him, they were just a part of the anxious world he lived in. And one of the best remedies to them was distraction. So here he was, sitting on the roof distracting himself by trying to find specific landmarks on the horizon.

It was working, and after a few minutes his breathing stabilized and tears stopped falling. He was able to think clearly now, the breeze grounding him and the muffled noise of the city comforting.

_Ok, so you slept with Bokuto. Well you jerked each other off. Either way, you did what you told yourself not to do. You just lost him didn’t y- wait a second. HE FUCKING RECIPROCATED?!? DOES THAT MEAN HE LIKES ME AND I WON’T LOSE HIM?!? DOES THAT MEAN HE’S NOT STRAIGHT?!?!_

His breathing started to pick up again, his brain going fuzzy, and he looked back out at the city to calm down. This is something he thought would never happen. This was something he only allowed to believe was a fantasy, a far off dream never to be lived. This, combined with his…difficulty with emotions, meant that he had absolutely NO idea what to do.

So he turned, albeit reluctantly, to the one person other than Bokuto who actually knew something about him.

The phone rang a few times before Udai picked up, his voice groggy and low.

“Hey, Akaashi. Look who’s calling me, in the morning no less. You finally ready to admit that we’re more than work acquaintances? Maybe even use the f-word?”

A grin made its way on to his face before he remembered why he called him in the first place. “If I say it… will you help me? I…kinda…really need advice.”

Akaashi heard movement on the other end, presumably Udai sitting up at his words. “What’s wrong Akaashi?”

“Why are you assuming something’s wrong?”

“Because you called me asking for help and you never ask for help, let alone call me. I won’t judge. You know that I have been through weirder shit than you can imagine.”

Akaashi took a breath before filling Udai in on everything that had happened last night, staying vague on the more intimate details. Udai, surprisingly, stayed quiet the whole time. When Akaashi finally finished, the line was quiet. “Udai-san? Are you still there?”

“Yeah yeah I’m still here. I just…don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk this much before. Um-so you did that. You had sex with Bokuto.”

“We jerked each other off.”

“Same difference. Anyway, this is good isn’t it? It means that he likes you back. I mean some of the things he said are telling. You can’t tell me the man doesn’t have feelings for you.”

“But what if I rui-“

“Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there. You didn’t ruin anything by engaging in consensual activities with a man that you are in love with and who most likely feels the same way about you. The only thing that might ruin it is the fact that you’re now sitting on the roof instead of talking to him. You ran away. Find him and talk to him.”

Akaashi was taken back by the forwardness, but this is what he called Udai for: bluntness that could push him to do something. Anything honestly.

“Ok, you’re right.”

“I know I’m right. I’m always right.” Akaashi could hear his grin through the phone and couldn’t help but smile softly as well.

“Thank you, Udai-san. You’re a good…friend,” he choked out reluctantly. He could hear Udai’s grin widen though, and that was enough to make it worth it.

“Of course, friend! Anytime, friend! You know, friend, I think that we should hang out more. Maybe have a guys night? I think that we need some friend bonding time.”

“Don’t push your luck.” Akaashi was grinning now. He hung up the phone and looked back out to the city. Now he just had to face Bokuto. If he could find him. He could still be at his apartment. Or he could have seen that Akaashi was gone when he woke up and went to find him. And calling him was out of the question. He would freeze as soon as he heard his voice and he needed to be coherent for this conversation. Maybe Bokuto would come find him. If he even wanted to find him. He could be half-way back to Osaka right now, trying to forget everything that happened. So the only thing Akaashi could do was sit and wait, hoping that his overthinking would end and his problems would work themselves out.

—————————————————————————————

Bokuto woke up shivering slightly with a pounding in his head. He opened his eyes and tried to get his bearings, piecing together the events of last night with where he was now. The room was empty, clothes strewn on the floor, and Bokuto realized why he was cold.

He had fallen asleep with Akashi on his chest, pressed to his side, providing him with an immeasurable warmth. Just the thought has his heart swelling and a smile growing on his face.

_Akaashi likes me?!? I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that he feels this way about me when I’ve been in love with him for years._

He thinks back to every late practice, every walk to school, every stolen glance and precious moment that he’s held in his heart. Akaashi was special to him. Still is special to him. He probably always will be. And the fact that he feels the same way has him over the moon.

He hops out of bed, dancing around in glee. _His crush likes him back!!!!_ That makes him stop though because he realizes he hasn’t seen Akaashi since last night.

He pulls on his boxers and a pair of sweatpants and goes from room to room, calling his name and looking for him. But he’s nowhere to be found.

_Why would he have left so early in the morning? He said he doesn’t have plans this weekend. There’s plenty of food here so he wouldn’t have had to get groceries. Does he regret what happened?!? Maybe he’s so embarrassed that he never wants to see me again! Oh god this is bad. I can’t lose him._

He feels himself start to spiral into what his teammates referred to as “emo mode”. He just wants to hide away and wait for the problem to go away, wallowing in his own self-pity and inner turmoil.

He shakes his head and takes a few deep breaths, trying to fight it off. He can’t break right now. He needs to find Akaashi and talk to him. He needs to make sure that he doesn’t lose him for good. Because he would surely break if that happened and he doesn’t know if he could put himself back together after that.

He texts Kuroo for a few suggestions as to where Akaashi might have gone while he puts a shirt and shoes on. Of course, they weren’t very helpful but Bokuto appreciated the effort. He grabbed his phone and keys and stepped out into the hall, determined to find someone who might know where he might have gone.

He luckily didn’t have to go very far because as he closed the door, the elevator doors opened and an older woman walked out with a few grocery bags.

He rushed over, eager to help. “Hi! Can I help give you a hand?”

The woman blushed but handed him two bags. “You’re too kind thank you.”

As he walked with her down the hall, he found out that she lived two doors down from Akaashi and happened to be close with him.

“Oh, Akaashi-kun! What a sweet boy. He comes over for tea once a month and we chat. You better hold on to him, he’s a great person to have in your life.”

A small smile made its way onto Bokuto’s face at hearing the kind words, glad someone else is able to see the catch that Keiji is.

“I agree completely. I’m actually looking for him now. He left early this morning and I can’t seem to find him. Is there anywhere that he likes to go?”

“Oh! He’s probably up on the roof. There’s a vegetable garden that he tends to up there and he also goes up there to think. It’s got a great view of the city. Or at least that’s what he tells me. I’ve never been up there myself. You have to take the stairs the last two stories and my knees just couldn’t handle it."

Bokuto started thanking every god he could think of in his head at his luck. “Thank you so much. I’ll be sure to check there.”

He helped the woman inside, her thanking him profusely before letting him go.

The moment the door was shut he was running to the stairs, not even bothering with the elevator as he couldn’t wait any longer. He ran up them two at a time, using his athlete’s endurance to make it to the top quickly. He took a breath to compose himself and opened the door to the roof.

———————————————————————————

Akaashi turned his head at the noise, his eyes widening when he saw Bokuto walking through the door and onto the roof. He looked around until their eyes met, his body moving towards him instantly.

“There you are ‘Kaashi! I’ve been looking for you this morning. It’s a good thing I ran into your neighbor or else I never would have thought to look up here. What are you doing up here?”

“Just…thinking. I like to come up here to sort things out in my head. It puts my problems in perspective when I see everything from up here. Everything seems so small. So insignificant. I know that whatever I’m freaking out about isn’t as big a deal as I make it out to be, and I calm down.”

“What are you thinking about now?” Bokuto moved to sit down next to him, following Akaashi’s cue and looking out at the city.

“Um, well, I- I was just-“

“Please don’t tell me that you think last night was a mistake. I don’t know if I could handle it if you do”

Akaashi whipped his head towards Bokuto at the sudden declaration to find him already looking back.

“I- I wasn’t going…to.”

“Good. Because I have been wanting to do that for years, ‘Kaashi. I have been in love with you for years and I never did anything because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or have you reject me or.” Bokuto took a deep breath and grabbed Akaashi’s hand with his own. “I was mostly worried about losing you. You are the most important person to me, Keiji, and I would rather have you in my life as a friend than lose you. And then as time went on and we went our own ways down our own paths, it just got harder and harder to think of a way that it would work. But I don’t care about that anymore. All I care about is you. I’ll doing anything for you Keiji, even if it means breaking my own heart. I hope that’s not where this is going but um you never know.”

He gave a half-hearted laugh and looked away, losing confidence, and Akaashi squeezed his hand to encourage him to keep going. The small gesture did wonders, and Bokuto’s eyes locked back on his with the same look he had last night that he couldn’t understand. He knows better now. Bokuto was looking at him with all of the love and fondness of the world, as if he was his world.

Akaashi cleared his throat, trying to put all of his feelings into words. But when he looked at Bokuto he found that the words came easily.

“Breaking your heart is the last thing that I want to do Bo- Koutarou.” Bokuto perked up even further at the use of his given name and Akaashi pushed on. “I- I’ve been in love with you for years too. And I didn’t do anything because I was so afraid of losing you as well. I also thought there was a chance you were straight but I guess I should have known better.” Bokuto let out a big laugh, tears starting to form in his eyes.

“You are the best person I have ever met, Koutarou. You have the biggest heart and have always been there for me and I… I-um. I always thought that you were too good for me. You’re a star Kou, and I just didn’t feel like I could ever compare to some of the other people chasing after you. So I just sat and loved you quietly, always hoping that you would look my way but never imagining that you would. It sounds silly doesn’t it?”

He let out a soft chuckle as tears started to fall down his face. Bokuto let go of his hand to put both of them on his cheeks, wiping the tears away and pulling them together so their foreheads were touching.

“Keiji, you are the only person I’ve ever wanted. No one can compare to you. You are amazing and make me so incredibly happy it’s crazy. I want to spend every second of every day making you just as happy, if you’ll let me.”

His mind said stop. Everything in him told him that he was going to get hurt, that letting someone in was a mistake. But it was too late for hesitation and misgivings. He had already given his heart away a long time ago.

“Yes, Koutarou. A thousand times yes.”

Akaashi took the initiative and crashed their lips together, every emotion pouring out between the two and into the air around them. This kiss was different from the ones of last night. This one felt like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> hehe so i'm gonna be honest this didn't have smut originally, nor do i normally write smut. But for the idea i was going for it just kind of developed  
> also i'm on twitter! same handle as above :)


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